Saints Be Praised in England: Keep Calm and Carry On

If you stay in England for more than 12 months, you have to get your British driver's license, and if you are from the US you have to pass the theory test and the practical driving exam. The very first things to do are apply for your provisional license and start studying for the theory test, which consists of 50 multiple choice questions followed by a hazards perception section. The hazards perception section has 14 videos showing hazards of some sort, a car suddenly pulling out, a bicyclist, van unloading, etc. You have to click the mouse whenever you spot a hazard. You must pass both parts of the exam.

The provisional license is good for one year, which means you can legally drive with a licensed driver over the age of 21 who has had their license for a minimum of 3 years. Once you have your provisional license you can start driving classes. Definitely take driving lessons, at least one, probably two or more. Once you have your provisional license and have passed your theory test, you can apply to take the practical driving exam. This includes reading a license plate from about 25 yards, then answering two questions about the car, followed by driving for 38 minutes with a driving examiner. The questions can be either show me, for example, show me how to clear the windscreen (turn on the defoggers), or tell me, such as, tell me how to check the tire pressure.

Mike and I gave ourselves a month to get this all done. Big mistake. Nothing happens quickly here and there is no one to speed it up for you. This country is unholstered with cameras, as I am sure you have heard. Mike was nabbed for speeding twice and for speaking on his cell phone (illegal!), so had 9 points on the license he still didn't have. If you get to 12, you lose your license and have to start over with the application. So for months, I was the only driver in the family...me no likey.

Our provisional licenses arrived about three weeks after applying. We studied like mad for the theory exam and gratefully passed. We took lessons from Chris Gregory owner of Mini School of Motoring, 01344-750621, lessons@minidriving.co.uk. We booked our practical exams and listened to horror stories. One friend flunked the practical 3 times before she passed. We heard of a guy that flunked 6 times. The smartest friend we have here flunked once before passing with a perfect score. I was feeling a lot of pressure to pass, due to the fact that we were past the 12 month limit on our US licenses, and Mike was no longer driving AT ALL. Plus, it can take from several weeks to more than a month to book a test, and if you flunk one, you HAVE to wait 2 weeks before trying again.

My test was booked for Reading, so Chris and I did a lesson in Reading, and then he picked me up early so we could have another lesson before the exam. We practiced all of the possible tricks I was going to have to perform, turn in road, back around a corner, parallel park and emergency stop. As we approached the test site he said, "Oh, your examiner is going to be so comfortable with you! Look how much space you are leaving from the car in front of you!" I was feeling pretty nervous, but flattered and determined.

My examiner was super nice and had the most creamy beautiful skin I have ever seen. It distracted me to be frank. Her voice sounded a lot like a friendly female robot, the kind you hear in movies taking charge of space ships. She was very chatty, asking me lots of questions about where I was from, why I was living here, how many children I have, their ages, where they go to school, and so forth. Then she asked me to make a right turn, which is like a left turn in the US. There was a lot of traffic and my heart was ka-thumping madly, the car approaching indicated a left turn into the street I was turning from and I saw my break and gunned it. I think it's probably always bad to make your examiner slam on their imaginary breaks. Also if they scream in fear, not good. The conversation kind of took a turn for the worse at that point. I tried to pick it back up, asking her about her progeny, but it just didn't flow. This was five minutes into the exam. By the way, Chris Gregory was in the back seat, most likely looking pale. I suffered through the next 30 minutes, oozing nervous sweat from every pore. She asked me to back around a corner and I braced myself with my arm on the passenger seat and let's just say, my D.O. had failed to do it's job. And I'm talking clinical strength D.O.. I could feel myself unraveling, I'm sure I was shaking with nerves. She slammed on her imaginary breaks one more time, my brains scrambled in a round about. I even huffed believing I was in the right. Can I scream now? Oh, and by the way, the whole time, she is making tick marks on a clipboarded form.

Somehow, we arrived back to the exam center, safe and sound. She took a moment to make a few notes and then told me what I already knew...I held myself together, thinking about the British poster intended to raise morale during WWII, Keep Calm and Carry On. I repeated this over and over to myself while she removed herself from the car. Chris asked me weakly from the back if I would like him to drive me home. I managed to squeak out a yes before my resolve crumbled and the sobbing started. Poor Chris Gregory! To be trapped in car with me completely fallen to bits. I could not control myself at all, gasping for air between llantos. He was extremely nice to me, called me "love", told me he would drive me anywhere I needed to go that day for free.

A few good things came from flunking. Firstly, I got to experience the kindness of semi-strangers. I got to see how kind and caring Chris Gregory was, and later the boys and I hitched a ride to a track meet in Marlow from a fellow school parent. He was very nice and I enjoyed connecting because of my mishap. The other good thing was getting to see how Chris drove me home. Before that, I had always driven everywhere with him. He advised me before to slow down, but I didn't really get what he meant until I saw his calm and careful driving. His message sunk in, all the way in and I saw more clearly how I speed through driving and through life. I am impatient, generally speaking. Living here is helping me to see how I need to slow down. Plus, it is good to fail now and then. An ego smackdown is usually a good thing.

A few weeks later Mike had his driving exam in Guildford. I was completely anxious the whole time he was gone, and couldn't wait for his call to tell me he had passed. I had no doubts that he would because he loves to drive and enjoys the game of learning all the rules of driving here and doing it perfectly. Plus, I kind of needed him to pass, to show me that we are OK, we can do this, Britain and Britain's rules will not defeat us.

He failed.

He moved away from a curb while stopped on a hill in a way that seemed completely safe to him, but apparently wasn't, and approaching the exam center he exceeded the speed limit.

This was all happening in October, early November. Eventually we laughed a lot. We love to shout as loud as we can, "LIVING THE DREAM!!"

I rebooked my exam in Winchester, which felt like a great omen. Jane Austen is buried there!! She is my soul sister and will look after me. I asked Chris if he was scared I would fail and he would be trapped with me in the car for an hour long ride home! He just laughed. I tried to keep Chris's advice in my head and stay centered centered centered. Then the driving examiner introduced himself, his name was SHANNON! That is my sweet sister's name. All good! I was completely nervous, but tried as hard as I could to channel Chris Gregory. I had to do a turn in the road, and no emergency stop. There were some very tricky parts with loads of traffic, bicycles and loading vans mixed together.

I made two small mistakes, but passed, thank you angels and saints.

Mike retook his test a few days later and passed as well.

So we are on a rampage to see this beautiful country before our time is up and we return to Tucson in July.

In gratitude I made a small icon of the patron of drivers, Blessed Sebastian of Aparicio. He is known as the Angel of Mexico, and his saint's day is February 25th, which is the birthday of my mother, my great grandmother Carrie Pearl, and of my dear beloved Cecilia (and her brother Bosco!). I like it when there is synchronicity and symmetry.